IDF Makes Justice
A Current Events Based Satire
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5:30 AM, November 11, 2011, West Bank Dan Mertzbach, a 55-year-old rabbi from the Otniel settlement was killed today by IDF soldiers in a makeshift checkpoint between Yatta and Hebron, in the West Bank. He had attempted to pass through the checkpoint without stopping. The soldiers opened fired despite this being against inner IDF regulations (not to open fire on traveling vehicles because it can lead to disastrous accidents like this one). The soldiers had created the checkpoint in order to detain a Palestinian truck. Eight shots were fired at the vehicle; this shows a clear intent. It wasn’t just a bullet mistakenly shot while the soldier manipulated his Sony Playstation. I must remark not only that a truck is substantially bigger than a car, but also that settlers use yellow plates as opposed to the blue ones given to Palestinians. Israel codifies discrimination in colors. In other words, there was no possibility for the soldiers to err. Yet, err they did. Two other passengers were wounded. Then, the soldier who fired the shots ran towards the vehicle and was mistakenly run over by a Palestinian truck. The whole Greek tragedy was evacuated to the Hadassah University Hospital, Ein Karem Campus in Jerusalem, where Mertzbach was declared dead. Mertzbach is to be laid to rest later today in Jerusalem's Mount of Olives Cemetery, following a short ceremony in Otniel. After dark, March 22, 2010, Gaza Strip The IDF received a report of three Palestinians who had crossed the security fence between Re'im and Kissufim, from Gaza into Israel. IDF forces, including a tank unit, were summoned to the scene. Three soldiers descended from the tank and approached the fence by foot due to a regulation not to fire shells in the area. At the same time, a jeep of Golani soldiers arrived. The Golani soldiers saw the tank soldiers and opened fire on them, believing them to be Palestinians. One of the tank soldiers was killed before the Golani soldiers realized their error and ceased fire. Later, the three Palestinian infiltrators were captured and interrogated. The IDF concluded they had attempted to enter Israel to look for work. Golani is an IDF infantry brigade from the Northern Command; former IDF Chief General Ashkenazi made most of his career in it, from simple soldier to its commander. Its being in Gaza (which under the responsibility of the Southern Command) during this event is normal since this type of units rotate between the different conflict areas. In the typical Israeli racist system, Golani is known to recruit mainly Oriental Jews. Solving Terror These type of killings are not new. The IDF assumes about 10% of its casualties are self-inflicted; during the first Lebanon War apparently this ratio was even higher due to problems imposed by narrow and mountainous paths. If possible, the details of such an event are hidden from the victim’s family. During war time, that’s easy. If it happens in an isolated event as those reported here, that’s not possible. That’s why such importance is given to “force-through-force” exercises during training in the IDF. This term refers to one unit passing through the territory controlled by other unit; a situation rather similar to what happened in the events described above. During both events, Ehud Barak was Minister of Defense. That’s’ rather amusing, since when he led the IDF between 1991 and 1995, he unsuccessfully tried to implement a plan to transform the IDF into a small and smart army. In his days, the IDF eventually continued growing fueled by American taxpayers’ money and nowadays it is certainly not neither small nor smart. These events happened after the IDF was found to commit War Crimes by the Goldstone Report. It happened also after Israel was defined as a terrorist organization by the Human Rights Commission of the UN on October 16, 2009. Thus, this killing of an IDF soldier - a terrorist – and of a settler who is by definition a criminal by international law, is a step forward in the final solution of the Israeli terror problem without using an international army while at the same time making a Great Leap Forward towards the creation of Barak’s small and smart army. Ehud Barak apparently said after the recent event: “It’s a fulfilled dream.” Despite the style of this article, the events described are real. + +
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